☀️ The Nicole Magnusson Newsletter

A fresh hot cup of truth and inspiration delivered straight to your inbox every Monday and Thursday morning.

📆 Daily Issue 92 | ⏱️ Read time: 3 min

Who Are You on the Other Side of Grief?

Lately, I have been feeling immense grief.

I have been living in denial of how much my life has unraveled, but I am finally ready to feel the pain.

I have been feeling the pain of lost friendships.

I have been feeling the pain of lost dreams.

I have been feeling the pain of lost time.

I let it course through me and I accept it. I accept that it all happened. I accept that this is my life. I accept that I have survived war. I accept that I wake up every morning in the ruble of terrible choices from my past.

I never thought I would be strong enough to accept this existence… its too imperfect, too messy, and too far away from how I imagined it would be.

The cognitive dissonance between who I am and who I see myself as has driven me to the brink of my sanity.

And try as I might, I couldn’t accept the girl I see in the mirror. I couldn’t accept the woman I experienced through others’ interactions with me. And I couldn’t accept the woman who was wasting her life.

But as I feel the grief, and dance through all the emotions that come with it, there is a sense of empowerment that is emerging.

I’ll have moments of freedom, moments of compassion, and even moments of brilliance. I don’t recognize this woman… but I like her. Against all odds… I actually like her.

And the more time I spend with this new woman, I realize that who I become on the other side of all this will be someone completely unrecognizable from who I once was. Before the mistakes, before the indescribable pain, before the lost years.

I need to renounce the girl I’ve so desperately been trying to get back to, to become the woman I’m meant to be.

I’m worried she won’t be as inspiring as I used to be. I’m worried she won’t be as popular as I used to be. I’m worried she won’t be as successful as I used to be.

But I am starting to have glimpses of the possibility that she could be more inspiring, more loved, and even more successful. In her unique way.

It will be in a new way, a more grounded way, a more mature way.

And the only way to meet her is to keep moving forward. One step in front of the other. Every day, one step in front of the other.

Keep inspiring,

Nicole