Post 107- PLEASE Stop Trying

Author

Nicole Magnusson
December 02, 2024

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📆 Daily Issue 107 | ⏱️ Read time: 3 min

PLEASE Stop Trying

Let’s make one thing very clear: Eckart Tolle is the man and you can’t tell me any differently.

Eckart Tolle was a high achieving academic who struggled with severe depression and one day he just said “fuck it” and started meditating on a park bench 24/7.

He did NOTHING to provide for himself. People brought him food and water and the universe provided. All he had to do was surrender.

That’s how I feel lately. I just want to CHILL THE FUCK OUT and let the universe do its thing.

I’ve spent my entire life running…

Away from pain

Towards my “best self” (an illusion)

Towards love

I’m tired of running. I don’t need anything. I already have everything I could ever want.

I’m actually at the lowest I’ve ever been. My physical health, finances, social life, and energy levels are at an all-time low. I don’t feel overwhelmingly inspired, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I have everything, and for the first time in my life, I actually know that. Does that make any sense?

I don’t need feeling states like inspiration or ecstasy. I don’t need health. I don’t even need community.

I just need to close my eyes and feel God all around me.

And I don’t know what this means because for most of my life I wanted to be a motivational speaker… but now that feels obsolete. Motivation for what??? Where are we all going exactly? Lol

There’s nowhere to go! It's all RIGHT HERE.

I’m trying to revive myself so I can “make massive changes” or “have a glow-up”…but I already feel amazing.

Like… my life is SO BAD… I live with my parents, and I torpedoped most things I care about. But at the same time, that doesn’t matter to me at all and I feel delighted at my “rock bottom”. (Which isn’t even a rock bottom compared to so many people struggling in the world. BUT EVEN THESE PEOPLE in HORRIBLE circumstances, I know could find peace).

We are all so scared to just be content. Our ego can’t handle it.

My dad’s been telling me this for years and trying to get me to stop my self-help addiction but I couldn’t see it.

I’m deeply sorry if you came for motivation today. LOL I have none for you.

I’m also deeply sorry if you came to read a newsletter with more structure that was not just a stream of consciousness. Can’t provide that for you either today.

I used to feel deeply inspired by the movie Rocky. But I think the more I just relax into the moment, I feel more inspired by a flower or the sunset than an epic fight.

What are we fighting against?

Who are we battling exactly?

It never ends.

In the self-help world they say, “new levels, new devils”… well isn’t that just a huge fucking scam? Lol

Why the ACTUAL fuck do I want to keep leveling up to just keep getting destroyed?

That’s the EGO. The ego wants the fight to be never-ending.

I can’t live that life. Not anymore.

Life’s too short to be battling demons.

Demons are just cute and innocent and looking for love.

Everything is just love or a call for love.

It's not that deep.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Keep loving,

Nicole