☀️ The Nicole Magnusson Newsletter

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📆 Daily Issue 55 | ⏱️ Read time: 2 min

Lost at 31: Navigating the High Stakes of Adulthood

I never thought I would be 31.

But here I am, 31 years old and I feel so lost.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

I have no idea what’s next.

And all of my goals feel strange, like some random adult’s goals, rather than my own.

At 31, I am very clearly an adult and I know I should have a firmer head on my shoulders. I know my life path should be more clear. And I know I should be more driven.

It feels like I blinked and my 20s are gone and now I’m in the much scarier 30s. Everything matters in your thirties. You’re not allowed to be lost. Mistakes count. And every decision feels like it weighs 1,000 tons.

I don’t know what to do next. And I don’t know how to drive the urgency of my situation into my head.

It's as if the stakes are so high that my brain refuses to acknowledge it.

At 31, I could still turn my life around.

I could get on track with my career.

I could have a fulfilling relationship and a family of my own.

I could take control of my health.

It feels like I’m playing a poker game for my life.

And for the years before I was just fooling around because I had lots of money to spend, but now I’m all in.

Now, I’ve bet my entire life’s savings and the stakes are extremely high.

I’m simultaneously the most stressed out I’ve ever been while the most aloof I’ve ever been.

My brain has developed a sort of cognitive dissonance from reality that is saving me and also destroying me.

My life feels like the burning sun, I can’t look right at it.

So here I am. 31.

I know I need to be risking it all, but I’m holding back.

And that is the truth I’ve been scared to say out loud.

Keep inspiring,

Nicole