☀️ The Nicole Magnusson Newsletter

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📆 Daily Issue 43 | ⏱️ Read time: 3 min

Family: Love, Chaos, Coke

I order another diet coke.

I sip it and look out at the rest of the table. I feel alone, complicated, and misunderstood. I also feel supported, loved, and jovial.

This is what it's like to be on a family vacation.

Our family brings out the best in us and the worst in us. A famous monk once said, “if you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.”

I concur Mr. Monk Man. I concur.

The conversation at our table ranges from family and friends who are getting married to big pharma’s plan to control the masses.

I sip my coke and insert a little conversation here and there… a bit of laughter, a bit of “oh I didn’t realize that”. I never feel like I’m fully accepted or fully participating in family conversations, but I don’t quite feel neglected either. I’m like the side of mashed potatoes in our family… a nice to have, but not a need to have.

As the dinner goes on, I’m conscious that this is the best our family has been in a long time. We’re getting along. We’re laughing. We’re “building rapport”, as my old sales manager would say.

I continue to sip on my coke, and I realize that it feels good to be a part of something. I realize that the family I have pushed away my entire life is not half bad. I realize it feels amazing to be a part of the “pack”.

Lately, I spend a lot of time thinking about my own family that I’m going to create.

I want it to be loving, joyful, and I want it to feel like my own tribe.

But in the meantime, this is my main tribe. And I’ve been running from that.

I realized in my never-ending search to feel fully accepted and fully alive, I’d unknowingly been pushing away the people who love me the most.

You don’t always fit into the family you’re born into. That is the curse of family and that is the blessing of family. They are there for you no matter what, even though you may not have chosen each other. But when it comes down to it…

Family has your back.

Family is there to celebrate your wins.

Family is there to pick you up when you fall.

I continue sipping my coke and I allow a wave of gratitude to fall over me for these three people who have been with me through thick and thin.

There may be challenges, and sometimes I may not feel totally seen. But I don’t need them to meet every single one of my needs in every single way. And I don’t need to meet every single one of their needs.

We are there for each other. And I’m grateful beyond words for that.

Cheers to family! The good, the bad, and the ugly, and the pervasive love that runs through all of it.

If you’re out there thinking about your own family… maybe shoot them an “I love you” text. I know that family dynamics can be hard, but at the end of the day, nothing worth having is easy.

Keep inspiring,

Nicole