☀️ The Nicole Magnusson Newsletter

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📆 Daily Issue 84 | ⏱️ Read time: 2 min

Beyond The Mirror: Rediscovering My Beauty

I don’t feel beautiful when I look in the mirror.

And I used to think that meant I wasn’t beautiful.

But I’ve come to realize that I DO feel beautiful other times. I feel beautiful when I write. I feel beautiful when I dance. I feel beautiful when I move my body through yoga poses.

I don’t feel beautiful when I look in the mirror.

And for so long, I made the mirror my source of all truth.

I made the mirror my guru.

I made the mirror my bible.

I made the mirror my codependent, abusive life partner.

But I’m learning to regain my power from this reflective piece of metal.

That’s all it is… a reflective piece of metal.

Now, I don’t let her decide what beauty is.

I have come to realize my beauty is not defined by the wrinkles in my forehead, the fat layers on my stomach, or the frizziness in my hair.

My beauty is defined by the steady flow of my breath, by the emotions moving through my body, by the music pulsating through my ear drums.

My beauty is not reflected by what I see in the mirror. Rather, my beauty is reflected in the nature all around me… by the trees, by the creeks, by the flowers.

My beauty cannot be defined.

It cannot be held within the two by two squares of an Instagram post, the rectangular confines of a fashion magazine, or the suffocating prison of societal beauty standards.

And most of all, it cannot be defined by the mirror… the mirror I’ve demonized… the mirror that is only projecting back myself.

I’ve realized that my beauty cannot be defined by my own cruelty, my own inner critic, my own wounding.

My beauty is something I’ve desperately felt separated from for years and something I’ve avoided for years.

“Beauty is vain.”

“Beauty is fleeting.”

“Beaty is meaningless.”

I’d lie to myself.

All the while, wanting nothing more than to be beautiful. All the while knowing that if a genie could grant me one wish… it would be to be beautiful.

So I am reclaiming my beauty. I am reclaiming my beauty without the weightloss or botox or glow-up.

I am reclaiming my beauty, because it was always mine.

It has just been waiting for me to see it. Behind the disgusting image I projected of myself onto the mirror.

She was always there.

Waiting to be noticed.

Waiting to be claimed.

Waiting to come alive.

Keep inspiring,

Nicole