☀️ The Nicole Magnusson Newsletter

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📆 Daily Issue 21 | ⏱️ Read time: 2 min

Battle at Bedtime: How I Wrestled My Inner Troll and Lost

I fell off the wagon.

Last night at 8:30 pm I lay in bed with a HUGE decision to make.

After a challenging day, I could get ready and go to bed. OR…

I could doom-scroll on social media and rot in bed.

I had been doing so well at changing my habits. I was the PINNACLE of perfect performance, Andrew Huberman would have been so proud!

I was waking up early!

I was meditating!

I was replacing all my limited thoughts with positive thoughts!

I was doing all the things. And for once, I was actually being consistent.

But the disgusting troll woman inside me was not going down without a fight! She lives off my self-loathing and self-demise… and she was HUNGRY.

Last night she came back with a vengeance. She wrestled future me to the ground and held her down until “DING”, the round was over and I’d lost the fight.

I spent 2 hours scrolling TikTok, hating myself, while future me cried silently in the corner.

What can we learn from this?

I woke up this morning desperate for lessons from my inner troll hostile takeover.

I think it's fair to say we all have an inner troll. And our inner troll is constantly pressuring us into living a disgusting, mediocre, hood rat existence.

Some people say we have “an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other”.

But I think troll is more accurate. The ways we are manipulated are often not evil, they just slowly chink away at our self-respect.

If you’ve been dealing with your own troll infestation. Don’t fret!

There IS a cure.

The cure is to simply stop feeding your troll and show it love when it comes to destroy everything you’ve ever worked for.

I know it is hard to show your gremlin love in these moments, but it's the best way for it to leave you alone.

By not feeding the troll and “loving it away” we can demote it to its proper place: a weak being living among the shadows.

Maybe one day you’ll even find your inner troll to be cute. But that will take some time.

In the meantime, keep feeding “future you” with time, energy, and focus, so they can put up a fight next time your troll emerges.

Sometimes we lose the fight… but we’ll never lose the war! ;)

Keep inspiring,

Nicole